On My Mind

Hi, I’m Clare, welcome to On My Mind.

I was a little bit worried about starting this blog today, as I wasn’t sure I’d be able to really think of anything to write. Then I realised I’d picked a blog name that gives me a prompt on what to write, what’s on my mind?

Well, I started this blog because I need a space to release my emotions, get my thoughts out, and just be cathartic really. I struggle with anxiety and depression and have been managing this with anti-depressants. I had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy back in 2015 which was helpful in some ways, but in the last few weeks I’ve really been struggling. My trip to the doctors yesterday determined that they can only refer me back to CBT again, and that I should stay on my medication.

So I’m sort of feeling a bit on my own. I’m struggling to manage, and I feel so much pressure to just be able to manage, which isn’t helping. I’ve been trying to research alternative therapies, but unfortunately my budget can’t stretch far. I’ve known for a while that I want to find a private therapist. I usually find talking really helpful when I’m going through a rough time, but I’m afraid of how I might be making the person I’m talking to feel. I’ve been managing less well for a few months, but a lot worse in the last few weeks, and I can only imagine that it’s a drain to be around for a long time for my husband. We catch each others moods like the cold. So I believe therapy is something I should definitely try, but as mentioned, the budget is very tight, and private therapy can be expensive.

So this morning I figured I’d start a blog and use it as the space I need to get things out and be part of a community. I also signed up for a mindfulness course. Even though I feel super unmotivated right now, it can’t hurt to give it a go, and even though I don’t truly believe it right now, I know I’m worth the effort.